You’re not silly for asking the question. The silly is on society for making us think our parents don’t cause trauma. The question is not, can parents cause trauma, but rather how do we deal with the trauma caused by our parents?
What is trauma, though? Straight up, trauma is defined as an emotional upset. So, can parents cause trauma a.k.a. emotional upset?
Parents undoubtedly cause trauma through their parenting. They also cause trauma through non-parenting. Both response and lack thereof have the capability of causing emotional upset, especially to toddlers trying to make sense of the world, and it happens on physical, mental, emotional, and energetic planes.
For the first 7 years, not counting conception cause it starts there, children grab onto everything they can to make sense of and define their world. Those definitions are mostly written through the code of emotional reactions, then stored to dictate future reactions.
What is Trauma?
Trauma, once again, is emotional upset.
“Have I Ever Experienced Trauma?”
Did you pass through a birth canal?
Don’t worry, I’m not leaving out the C-section crowd.
Were you removed from your climate-controlled bubble by a rubber-gloved alien wearing a mask and veil of superiority?
Birth is traumatic.
You might not remember it, but guess who does? Yes, your mother certainly does and the fact she doesn’t hang it over your head like a man might (pretty sure I would) at least twice a day means she’s a frickin’ saint.
Aside from your mother, your subconscious remembers it.
And guess what else it remembers?
Yeah, and EVERYTHING else. That’s the job of the subconscious.
It does so in the name of efficiency, but the speed with which it recalls anything you’ve ever done comes at a cost: accuracy.
I was in a car accident when I was 19. I don’t remember the actual accident. I woke up, barely, the next day with more broken bones than I was years old, and enough tubes and wires going in and out of me to outfit a one-bedroom house with plumbing and electricity.
I ended up in the only place in the car, the back seat after a few tumbles and a snapped telephone pole, where I could have survived. The reason the paramedics found me there and not in the driver’s seat where I was supposed to be and would have died is because I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt. I carried a Dr’s not with me for a year after I was able to drive again saying I didn’t have to wear my seatbelt. I shook feverishly for the first two years, each time I tried to put the strap over my shoulder.
Nine times out of ten, seatbelts save lives. I was the one in ten where it would have killed me.
Was my trauma warranted? Sure.
Was it accurate? To that specific scenario, but were the odds in my favor for future accidents? Not at all.
The car accident is a very extreme version of trauma, like war, murder, rape, or a fight, but trauma doesn’t have to be so BIG.
Trauma can be small.
Trauma can be..
- the family dog snapping at you
- grandma smacking your bare legs with a wooden spoon
- dad yelling at you
- mom forgetting your birthday
- your brother reading your diary or telling his friends what was inside
- a bad grade on a test
- catching your parents in bed (not sleeping)
- dad having too much to drink at Thanksgiving dinner
- divorce (I guess that’s big, but it’s pretty normal these days)
- breaking a bone playing in the backyard
- mom forgetting to pick you up from school
- opening your lunch box to find nothing in it
- opening your lunch box to find a love note that the other kids read and tease you about
Trauma can be everyday run-of-the-mill events we take and embody the wrong way. And guess what?
It happens ALL THE TIME!
Why Big Trauma Is Easier
Murder, rape, war, near death… these are things most people would tag as traumatic. They are in your face situations with horrendous repercussions to our psyche, but they are also right out in the open and easier to identify.
What’s a bigger problem: something you can see or something you can’t?
Here are two scenarios for you:
Boy A is withdrawn. His parents just divorced. Dad is already with another woman (the reason for the divorce) and doesn’t show any interest in taking the kid with him.
Boy A is withdrawn. When he was two years old, his mother left him alone in the crib at home to go get him some more baby food. While she was out, the car broke down, and someone robbed her purse while she waited for a tow truck.
How do you heal from something you don’t remember? How does a professional help you heal from something you don’t remember?
You don’t, but guess who does?
Nice! You’re catching on.
How to Get Rid of Family Trauma
If you can’t remember the trauma, how do you deal with it?
How do you find something you don’t even remember, and even if you did, you were two years old (in the above example)?
You have to talk to the body.
“Talk to my body? You’re kidding, right?”
No. I’m not.
You used to talk to your body all the time. You also used to listen to it and talk to others about it when it happened.
But the older we get, the more we suppress that communication until not long after we go to school that communication nearly disappears. That’s when we get conditioned to listening to others and forgetting what our stomachs, “nerves”, or intuition tells us about our environment.
Muscle Testing to Find Family Trauma
I can think of no better skill that Ive learned than muscle testing. It put me in direct contact with my body and established the lines I severed many years ago.
On the healing path, have glimpses of the voice through meditation, yoga, eating healthy, and generally takign care of your body, but the childhood trauma is there and it’s not going anywhere until you realize the unconscious things you say, dy, think and emote that are holding you back.
Imagine looking for something that you know is causing you problems, but you have no idea what it is. It would be like going through a forest on a moonless night without a flashlight with the task of finding a penny.
My father used to say, “Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while,” and while that’s a cute saying, it’s not the way I want to live my life.
Do you want to stumble through life getting lucky every once in a while?
Yeah, me neither.
I’d now like to hand you a flashlight and ask you to find an oak tree in that dark forest. If I told you what an oak tree looks like, you ought to be pretty quick with it, agreed?
That’s self-muscle testing.
Ask a question. Get an answer. Define the limiting emotion and the beliefs you piled on top of it. Clear them. Move on with your life.
How does that sound?
Check out this clearing demo video on the Amo Ni Youtube channel, demonstrating how to do muscle testing.
If you want eliminating the trauma your parents caused, learn how the Amo Ni system eradicates those programs and sets you FREE.