Overthinking your job, finances, weight, and other things all boil down to the emotions you’ve attached to those entities. But what happens when there’s another person involved… how to stop overthinking in a long-term relationship?
The way you stop overthinking in a long-term relationship is to deal with the underlying emotion/s causing the thoughts. It’s the same as with any other person, place, thing, emotion, or energy you are worried about. If you deal with the underlying emotion, the overthinking subsides.
For example, you may be overthinking the relationship, but what’s the foundation of those underlying thoughts?
- self-confidence (or lack thereof)
- personal differences like habits
Just like a storm at sea, the emotions can whip up nasty squall…
Can Overthinking Ruin A Relationship
One of my worst relationship habits used to be leaving. It’s the reason I didn’t get married until well into my 40s. I don’t mean walking out the door to get some fresh air. I mean packing my sh#t and completely walking out the door. I reconciled several times, but most of the time I just left.
After I healed the wounds causing that behavior, the dots connected.
When I was 12 years old, my parents called me and their brother into their bedroom.
The mood: somber… as usual. There was very little joy in the relationship to begin with, but…
I didn’t like it from the get go. My brother and I both knew something was going down that we probably weren’t going to like. I thought I was in trouble… again.
They told us they were getting a divorce. “Your mom and I love you guys, but…”
That’s about all I heard.
At that age, I had already begun showing anger in how I handled things. I wasn’t very comfortable with life. I didn’t need that to shake the tree, too.
I didn’t really have a choice, though. Kids don’t usually.
I was on the corner of the bed. No one blocked my way. I stood up and ran. I bolted through the house, out the back door, and ran full speed through the neighborhood. We lived in a fairly wooded neighborhood, and I knew every entry and exit point behind every house for a mile.
And that’s how I dealt with relationships thereafter.
From the onset of any new relationship, I always looked for things to push me away, things I could use to build my case to get up and run again. I used anything AND EVERYTHING from misplaced moles to small quirks.
Yeah, judgement plays a big part in your overthinking, too.
That mentality ruined every relationship from the age of 12 until my 40s.
I met and began some wonderful relationships with some wonderful women, but I ran away from each based on a program I installed and the overthinking that followed.
So, can overthinking ruin a relationship? It ruined every one of mine for 30-plus years.
And it can ruin yours too!
How to Stop Overthinking in a Long-Term Relationship
First of all, where does the overthinking originate?
In YOUR head.
Overthinking is a manifestation of the way YOU think, view, experience, and feel about the world around you.
Are you overthinking about something your partner does that annoys you?
Talk about it with your partner.
Are you overthinking about something your partner is not doing?
Talk about it with your partner.
Are you overthinking about something that hasn’t happened yet, some future event you may or may not even have control over?
Talk about it with your partner.
Are you overthinking about something that’s already happened that you are having trouble letting go?
I don’t need to say it again, do I?
Communication is THE BIGGEST factor in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.
Yes, you have a relationship with yourself, and the way you talk to (or think about) yourself is a reflection of that relationship.
Are your thoughts built on a foundation of worry, disgust, criticism, spite, fear, anxiety, anger, or shame?
If so, what path do you suppose those thoughts lead you down
Fix the relationship and you fix the relations. It almost sounds too simple, but it’s true. And the basis for every relationship is an emotional program that YOU installed.
You Think The Way You Feel
Just before I started the communication tangent, I said, “Overthinking is a manifestation of the way YOU think, view, experience, feel about the world around you.”
That manifestation is built on a foundation of emotions you programmed.
Have you ever had an angry thought arise from a happy emotion?
No, of course not.
The general worry you’re projecting on your relationship is a product of the unsettled emotions you have about the future, which are more than likely compounded by the emotions you embodied as a child.
If your partner cheated on you, that’s still a past event. If you took that person back and have decided to trust them, any overthinking about their infidelity is on you to take care of.
Clearing the Emotions
Amo Ni uses a combination of methodologies to help you remove the anchored emotions and move on with life.
- I love self-muscle testing for its simplicity. I love it more for what it’s done to my life and how it’s broken the barriers I built, separating me from accessing my own body. We use muscle testing combined with a meridian/emotions chart to go straight to the body, find where the emotions are hiding, then tag that location so we can release with…
2. Each of the emotions we find and tag on the meridian chart has corresponding release points on the body we use to connect with and move the programmed emotions you anchored.
3. The Amo Breath utilizes the power of the air moving through our bodies, along with the vibrations created through the sound, and the conscious intention we manifest throughout the entirety of the breath.
4. Neuro linguistic programming reframes how we see ourselves and our role in the world we’ve created.
These four foundational practices form the emotional release and self-awareness solution called Amo Ni. Amo in Spanish means “I love”. Ni, in Chinese, means “you”. Together, they form the practice I’ve used to reverse the overthinking ruining my life, relationships, and patterns forming the self-imposed prison of thoughts I was tired of living in.
How To Move On If Overthinking Ruined Your Relationship
I’ve walked away from more good relationships than I’d like to count. Those were choices I made that I have to live with.
You have to do the same, but you don’t have to keep making the same mistakes.
You now know the cause of your overthinking. It’s you.
Knowing something and doing something about it are two completely different things.
None of us can make a change until we’re ready. Until the threshold of pain floods the plains of pleasure associated with staying where we are, we cannot affect true change.
That first wall needs to come down.
When it does, and you’ve decided enough is enough, there’s a loving voice inside of you ready to heal the wounds of your overthinking.