Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse, then instantly things turn south based on some obscure (you thought) thing you said or did? Or how about in a meeting with your co-workers when you said or did something that rubbed people the wrong way? If you’re still in the clouds about what causes self-sabotage behavior, don’t worry. I was in the same boat…
For nearly four decades, I self-sabotaged my family relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, health, wealth, and overall well-being every change I got.
Each time I thought I was breaking through my self-torment, something else would happen (something I did) that put me in a state of disbelief about how I managed to f*ck things up again.
Mistakes are a normal part of life. They are learning opportunities for us to excel the next time we’re tested.
Self-sabotage is different. Self-sabotage is conscious ignorance and subconscious mastery of a method, be it in word, thought, emotion, or deed that deliberately derails our conscious intentions.
The reasons we self-sabotage are as varied as the combination of different potential situations, but it boils down to previously programmed responses now called upon to dictate unconscious responses to people, places, things, situations, emotions and energy you encounter.
I cannot put into words the level of frustration I felt throughout my life as encountered my self-sabotaging behavior, but I can tell you that the key to your salvation lies in the frustration you feel.
And that friction is caused by your conscious intentions going against your subconscious programs.
Once you realize that, you’ve won half the battle. The rest of the war involves finding the subconscious programs and removing the control they have over the decisions you make.
What is Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a figurative wrench in the gears. It is a deliberate, yet mostly unconscious behavior your unconscious employs to keep you safe.
“But why would I do something to hurt myself in order to keep myself safe?”
Doesn’t really match up, does it?
And neither do your experiences.
Life is not black and white. It’s a beautiful, colorful experience, but the colors sometimes get a little jumbled.
Why Do I Self-Sabotage
You self-sabotage because somewhere in your experience is an emotion or reaction to a person, place, thing, situation, emotion or energy that told you to act, say, think a certain way. It worked the first time, and that kept the lights on, so your body used it again, and again, and that’s how you roll now.
How Do I Stop Self-Sabotaging
If you want to stop self-sabotaging your relationships, finances, health, or any area of your life, you need one of the following to happen:
a. to find the emotional response you recorded during the first instance and clear it
b. a similar, yet opposite traumatic experience to rock the rails and knock you off the pattern
c. the self-awareness to see behaviors you employ as your self-sabotaging protocol
Since you’re more than likely not interested in searching out a traumatic experience, let’s start with the third option: self-awareness.
“What is self-awareness?”
I define self-awareness as (noun) conscious recognition of the thoughts, words, deeds, emotions, and energy you use to dictate the outcome of your interactions with the relationships in your life.
And you can achieve it through crocheting, meditation, exercise, drawing, journaling, and any other activity requiring your presence and subsequent release into the motions of the activity.
Then you need a random spark of intuition to fire the neuron holding the pattern you’re performing when the self-sabotage occurs, as well as the ability to comprehend the gifts you’ve received and the wherewithal to take that insight and make the necessary changes.
I know right.
Or you can simply ask your body?
“I can what?”
Ask your body. Bear with me. It’s not as weird or difficult as you might think.
We’ve spent trillions of dollars on communication infrastructure to wire the world and create connections allowing you to access any and every bit of information ever created, yet the most important connection you will ever make is with yourself, and it can be done by yourself, with nothing other than a couple of fingers and questions.
We’re a fickle bunch. Always looking outward… our focus on the furthest thing with the least relevance.
If you want to know the answer to any question in the world about your body, all you have to do is ask, and you do that through muscle testing.
What is Life Like When I Stop Self-Sabotaging
Life gets easier when you stop self-sabotaging.
It has to because prior to clearing the programs keeping you in the self-sabotage loop, you were effectively holding yourself back/limiting your potential. A glass ceiling hovered above your head, or a brick wall stood in your way. No matter what you did, you always found ways to bump into the glass or run into the wall.
You had no choice. You put them there.
When you stop self-sabotaging, the barriers disappear.
You’ll still mess up and you’ll still make mistakes, but those will come from conscious ignorance, not subconscious limits.
Imagine walking on your hands all your life, then someone telling you to use your legs instead.
How much more smooth and enjoyable do you think life would be?
It would be a completely different experience, right?
Are you ready to try things from a different angle?
Are you ready to see what causes self-sabotage behavior in your day-to-day life?