With nearly 8 billion of people on the planet, why are we continuing to do things to keep ourselves small and thus live well below the potential level of enjoyment we could squeeze out of our time here on the planet? Why (on all this earth) do people self-sabotage?

You’re one in 8 billion. Makes you feel special, right?

You’re also one of 8 billion. The meaning drastically changes with just a few letters, doesn’t it?

why do people self-sabotage

I lead with that example to point out that while you’re one in many, many of us have the same thing going on. It’s our human experience, and it involves pain and pleasure, anger, lust, and yes, the interesting… maybe puzzling is a better word to describe self-sabotage.

Why bother trying if we’re gonna throw a wrench in things anyway, right?

It feels that way sometimes. Trust me. I know. I spent most of my life self-sabotaging.

“Then why do people self-sabotage?”

The reason people self-sabotage is an emotional issue. Emotions create responses. Repeated responses create patterned reactions we have to people, places, things, situations, as well as other people’s emotions and energy, creating many instances where we PUSH AWAY the things we want, and MAGNETIZE the heck out of the things we don’t want.

Seems a bit counter-productive, doesn’t it?

Until you understand the entire process.

Why Do People Self-Sabotage: The Process

Self-sabotage is what we’re aiming to get rid of, so let’s put that at the top of our list, followed by the triggers leading up to it.

  1. self-sabotage
  2. new situation
  3. patterned response
  4. second, third, etc situation
  5. response recorded
  6. emotional reaction
  7. outside stimuli

Let’s recreate the below process with an example:

You’re a child on the floor of your living room, playing with a stuffed animal. The family dog walks into the room. The dog comes in for a sniff. You grab its ears. The dog snaps at you. You get scared and start crying.

7. outside stimuli: dog

6. emotional reaction: fear to dog snapping

5. response recorded: “if the dog comes in my direction, it will bite me”

4. next situation: next time the dog comes near, you slap at it with your hand, and it snaps at you again.

3. patterned response: You now know that dogs bite you and you should be scared of them

2. new situation: You meet a guy you’re into, but he has a dog

1. self-sabotage: You get drunk (you’re not a big drinker) and make an #ss of yourself on the first/second date.

“I get that, but why do people self-sabotage?”

Because the subconscious is an efficient entity and your first reaction was (fill in the blank).That worked and now you’re stuck with it until…

How Long Does Self-Sabotage Last

An incident like that can remain with you for your entire life.

And the sad thing is INCIDENTS LIKE THAT DO stay with you your entire life.

Once those programs are in there, they are really hard to get rid of. 

The reason it’s so hard to get rid of self-sabotage behavior you’ve programmed is because the behavior gets engrained in your everyday program of how you interact with the world. 

And many of the actions you perform, including brushing your teeth, driving to work, actually working, running errands, and more, get accomplished when you’re disengaged.

And when you’re disengaged, that means the subconscious is in control.

When your subconscious is in control, all the programs it’s stored as reactions YOU’VE had to people, places, things, situations, energy, and other people’s emotions get cued and you are officially trapped until…

trapped by the subconscious

How to Get Rid of Self-Sabotage

There are a million ways to get rid of self-sabotage, but each has one thing in common: self-awareness.

There are as many behaviors and reactions we can call upon to “sink the ship” which is why we must become aware of what we are doing to fix it.

Awareness or Tragedy? Your Choice

Personally, I’m more of a do it than “have it done to me” person, so I’m gonna show you how to fix self-sabotage with awareness.

Imagine going on a treasure hunt where you didn’t have a map, and you didn’t know what you were looking for. Can you wrap your head around that? Me neither, yet this is what we do when we’re trying to stop doing many of the things we DON’T WANT and start doing the thing we WANT to do.

Think back to all the programming you threw on top of the things you now do unconsciously. Most times, there’s no way to find the original program, especially by going through the rabbit hole of your memory.

Your subconscious does a good job of covering its tracks because the action it programmed is there to keep you safe. It helps you avoid pain or moves you toward pleasure.

Unfortunately, like the dog example above, things don’t always get programmed as they should and even if they do, there’s a time and place to let go, but the subconscious is stubborn. It doesn’t enjoy rocking the boat. That’s why the way you feel about love, money, family, crayons, butterflies, and everything else sticks around, in many cases, until you die.

Back to Self-Awareness

Without the awareness to grasp onto what you’re saying, doing, thinking, emoting (yeah, that’s a word), it’s hard to stop self-sabotaging.

Ever wonder why you find yourself at the fridge again even though you’re not hungry?

How about why you max out your credit card, or find yourself in debt again when you swore that off?

Did you ever get rid of one abusive lover only to find yourself with his more evil twin a few months later?

Self-Sabotage is Frustrating 

The whole process is frustrating because we know we can do better.

There are things we are doing keeping us from: 

  • the partner we want
  • the financial security we want
  • the body we want
  • the health we want
  • the job we want
  • whatever we want

The Secret: How to Find the Roots of Self-Sabotage

The secret to finding the humble beginnings of self-sabotage or any other behavior rooted in emotions (which is ALL of your behaviors) is communication.

You know how everyone says that communication is the key to a successful relationship?

self-sabotage communication

Turns out, it’s the key to every relationship., and you have a relationship with EVERYTHING around you.

“But how am I supposed to communicate with a behavior?”

You’re not. You’re supposed to communicate with the person who put it there.


Yeah, but not the you you’re thinking of.

Do you consciously self-sabotage yourself?

Most of the time you DO NOT.

The realization of self-sabotage comes after the fact. One of those “Why the f… did I do that?”

“I’m supposed to talk to my subconscious?”


“And how do I do that?”

Muscle testing. Muscle testing is the secret to finding out why you self-sabotage. You can do it on yourself with two hands and four fingers.

“So, where do I learn more about muscle testing?”

Contact me today about moving forward with this work.

Amo Ni!